Decision Made

Well, it has been on my mind since the day I left Ayacucho- the eternally burning question of, should I go back?

I signed up for a leadership position, in charge of two projects. The first, was the last two weeks of Dec., then a 2 week break, and then the last 2 week project. I was the only volunteer for the first project, and most of my real volunteer position expierence came when I worked with the project before me in the begging of Dec. to see how everything is run. There were 12 volunteers then, for my project (which was during the holidays) I was the only one. It was a tough month for me, as you have likely read in my previous blogs.

Well, I don´t want to go back, I didn´t really enjoy the work in Ayacucho, but I think some others maybe did. Maybe volunteer work is simply not for me, or maybe I just signed up for the wrong type....working with kids. The situation was just so sad, and I knew that the only real way to make a significant difference in these kids lives was to be their parent. I also knew that I didn´t want that job....at least not now- at this point in my life. It really dragged into me, and the more I thought about it, the more I remember that this trip is really supposed to be about me...and be fun! I also thought that me going back, and just muscling through it....which is what I would have done....might have ruined the exíerence for the other volunteers, and probably been worse for the kids. Add this to the fact that I would have been unhappy, and the decision was made.

I´m heading to Cuzco.

I know, I´m a horible person. I feel terible leaving the project, but I think its the right decision. After all, I did spend a month there....thats twice what the normal volunteer spends. And even if I didn´t fulfill my formal commitment, I do feel privledged and proud for having gone and learned about the situation of these children and the city of Ayacucho and worked hard while I was there.